Time of Peace

After two long years and meditating on this special month. I started to remember 9/11 – “Time of Chaos”. When I began to read it again; it dawned on me! I never spoke about what my father was feeling at the time; nor the words that he spoke afterwards. I only wrote and spoke of my feelings!

Well let’s go back to that time……It was one of the hardest things I had to process in my life.  The word “Cancer” has taught me so much; but back then I was clueless. I was blinded by the word in all aspects or angles of life.   It cluttered my brain with such negativity that brought chaos and confusion. I had to revamp everything from my house, family, work and schedule.  Unfortunately; it also tested my faith and spirituality. Hebreos 11: 1-3

I always spoke about my faith with pride and a mouth full! But during that time; I had to search for it.  What was happening to me??? I was always that person that gave everyone else the support and strength during a time like this.  But now it was me??? Where did all that faith go???

But the one thing I knew was; that without faith would be impossible to find the peace that I needed nor God’s answer. All these thoughts cluttered my brain as I stood there watching through a glass window as my father was having a Pet Scan. The test took 45 minutes to an hour but it seemed like an eternity.  I saw my whole life flash in front of my eyes. Tears of confusion, sorrow and pain rolled down my face like a waterfall. They literally felt like fire burning as they landed on my skin.  But at the same time; I was hoping that it would ease some of my uselessness feeling. Because in my mind I was thinking; that by the time my father’s testing was done I would be able to show some strength and courage.  Phil. 4:13

This is only what I was feeling while I watched him.  But all this time he was at peace……how can that be?? If I was going crazy!!! He did not move at all whatsoever and you have to think about it.  You have to stay idle as this test is being perform for that long period of time. Can you imagine?? He was the one whose body was physically attacked; and I am the one in chaos. What was going through his mind at the time? What was he thinking? That is all I wanted to know, and I couldn’t wait for the test to be done so that I can find out. Hebrews 11:6

Finally; the testing is over and he was fine.  I proceeded towards him so that I could hug him but I couldn’t; due to the sources they use to perform the test.  So, I stood there by the door as he came out and waited to see his first reaction. Of course; he smiled and said “I am okay and God is Good”. All I could think of was; what is going on? He is so peaceful………2 Corinthians 3:18

I said dad what happened? He said “I went up a mountain to talk to God; you know I felt like Moses”. I continued to ask – what do you mean? “Well, He told me I am His friend; and I will see him face to face.”  “He also told me to trust Him and have faith, and that His glory will shine on me”…..”That is why I have peace!”.  “Do you understand?” My jaw dropped because this was the confirmation that I was seeking. God answered….again I stood there not knowing what to do.  I was at awe because I had remembered the words that my father had said before when he was diagnose – “I have been found just in God’s eyes let my process begin”. Exodus 33:11

He was being processed but at the same time I was also being prepared.  He was that Moses that God had shown me after his passing. The dream had also a meaning, I was that Joshua… It was my turn! It was now the beginning of a new journey.  My life as it was known to me before; it was no longer. From then on, I also found that peace that I was seeking at a “Time of Chaos”. Deuteronomy 34:7

Sometimes we have to go through difficult times in our lives to be able to understand God’s purpose.  But I hope that you will never have to go through something of such magnitude. The passing of my father was a difficult time in my life because I came face to face with death for the first time; but on the same breath I found life.  A New life! A new understanding of God’s incomprehensible love. 1 John 4:7-9

Don’t allow “Cancer” to enter into your life; because it can take the form of your weakness and overcome your body.   The power needed to acquire such “Peace” is at the tip of our tongue. All you have to do is claim it in your life. Utter with authority and strength the faith you proclaim. You hold in your hands the hope to your purpose. Allow this new journey to comfort your every step. Isaiah 54:17

Rest, the war is over! Time of Peace!!! Be awaken by the radiance of His Glory each morning and enjoy the opportunity to this new beginning.  John 16:33